Hello lovely readers, 

How are you doing at this lovely Sunday morning / afternoon? 

This is something I have been wondering about for a long time. Why do we see cheating as a perfect life style? And now you're thinking "What do you mean? Cheating is nothing but perfect." I do agree, but why is it that romantic movies show us cheating to find the perfect partner and have a happy ever after? (And keep in mind that young adults also watch these movies.) Does the happy ever after even excist? I do not think a relationship can be perfect when you are years together. It might look perfect, but it won't be perfect. I looked it up, it is emotional disconnection from the partner.  I found the following on yourtango,com. "Researchers have found out that when it comes to cheaters 41% of them prefer rock music to all other genres." 

I looked up the following: "Why do people always cheat in romantic movies?" I must say, I wasn't the only one. People wondering about this. Is it because we love drama? Drama in someone elses life in stead of our own? It is exciting to do something we shouldn't do, but does that mean we cheat when we get bored? I am bored all the time, I don't think if I were in a relationship, I would cheat. I am sure I won't. And how is it possible that the main character always falls in love with the "bad guy" really love. After years and years having a relationship with the "good guy". He is the example of "human trash". He gets thrown in the corner and not allowed to come back. 

The "bad guy" usually gets pictured with tattoo's, black clothing and a love for rock 'n roll. Writers are following the guide of the numbers. There's also a person changing from who they originally were. Usually this is the main character who started to date or fell in love with the "bad guy". Do we actually need to change to be accepted by that "perfect cheating bad guy"? Or is it exciting for the person who is watching / reading? Someone who wants excitement in their live, but just doesn't get it. Or maybe the reader / watcher is too afraid to take steps in their live. 

When watching these types of movies you usually already see who is going to end up together. One or two of them are comitted to a relationship. Sometimes the cheater ends up being friends with the person they cheated on. How can one be dear friends when someone betrayed you? That is a big questionmark. I understand we want excitement in our lives and watching a movie or reading a book of a happy couple without any issues.. Yes, it can be boring to some. Another question: Why does the story stop when the "cheaters" are together? Why don't we see the rest of their lives with all their struggles where they might not even end up together. Do we see jealousy between partners? Do they trust each other? The following saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is it true?  We always want more than we already have. But, is it realistic to want better and best? All I know is that we do not want drama in our "real" lives, we live it through movies and books.  

Okay, that's it for my thoughts of the Sunday (already) afternoon. I hope, one day, I will figure out how it works when you glorify cheating and people grow up with it. It probably won't work and affairs get normalized.. 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Edit: From the last post about the bunnies? It was a geniune question  and a lot of people reacted to it. I hope all bunnies are safe and won't be eaten! 🐰

Hello lovely readers, 

Feeling sick to my stomach and I can't keep it away. This week has been very hard and still not done. Tomorrow another day of work. Is it bad that I am longing to be left alone and have some "me-time" for a whole week to process everything that is in my mind? Dancing with the devil from Demi Lovato is the mood now. "I told you I was okay, but I was lying." I really felt that line! Am I a liar for that? How many people would be liars if there was a count of "I am fine"'s? Good thing; I am back with reading. I am following more and more of the story of Tessa and Hardin in After. I love reading but sometimes I forget how big my love for reading is. Reading is more satisfyng as watching a show but usually I pick a show over reading. My mind is strange, but 4,5 more books to go of the series. (Yes I know! I am the worst for not reading when I got the whole series!) Talking about series.. Paradise city aired finally after months and months waiting. ♡  Only it is not aired in The Netherlands yet, so this Dutchie needs to wait.  

Just another three days of working and I got 6 days off. I took the afternoon off from work. today, and I have been listening to the same song ever since. A new video will come up next week.. I might have some other idea's for videos, but I need to save up money, so won't be something crazy or expensive. Something within my budget of saving all my money.. But I am not sure if it will work. Hopefully it will not take me 7 hours per video to edit again! (Can't wait for a PC which doesn't stop working every 2 minutes..) I bought some tablets for creating color smoke. They're called either "smoke cakes" or "smoke pills" and create a lot of smoke. I found the perfect place to film, if the weather lets me. I still did not figure out it they will go "off" with fire or water and if I am even able to film it. 

Other than that I am also busy with my English (British) studies and  I am doing pretty well, as I can say that about myself. I am learning a lot. For now I am at lesson 22 with a score of 96%. Speaking wise, it is another level and I think I will fail brutally. Whydo I sound so busy but feel like I am not doing anything with my life?! Can someone explain?

As I said before I wrote something down about every day in lockdown, I can tell you, how sad it might be.. We (The Netherlands) reached 100 days. Some think it is strange to keep up everyday. I think it is good because I learned, every bad day is just a day of 24 hours. Time heals the pain. The pain will get less every day. (Feel like lying to myself with this one, but it is true.) I started the "diary" because I wanted to see how many days it would take before I would go mentally insane. I am not the indoors type of gal. I am the type of always-gone-always-photographing-always-exploring-but-can-be-super-lazy. I think it is a good type, but it does not come in handy with a lock down. Being in a small village, does not help either. Sometimes I miss the city badly! The only streetart they know here is grafitti with the word "BIER" which means "beer". It is colorful though. 

Jokes aside, I did not go insane, yet.. I hope we (the world) will be in a better position soon. But until we are.. I will create content as in video's and taking photographs of the moon until I perfected it. If you have any nice ideas, just let me know!

Have a lovely weekend and keep being sane!

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Oh my gosh UPDATE: I am in this Dutch rabbit group at Facebook because I totally adore rabbits. I have a small rabbit tattooed on my wrist. Someone just asked in the Dutch Rabbit group: "I am just curious, do some of you actually eat your rabbit and dare to be honest about it?"  My mind is going to a thousand places! I am totally not a drama seeker, but this comment left in awe. That is it for the bunny update! 


Hello lovely readers, 

How are you doing? For now I am fine, not bad actually. I am back again with my "Lyrics from the past". book For new readers: When I was 16 I started a book where I put all mty lyrics and texts in (hand written). This one is never to be guessed and way back in time, translated to my writing style of now a days. I think the text is powerful, strong and indepent. Maybe I should make a monthly thing about this.  

"My breathing is silenced, my hands are feeling numb. My thoughts are gold, what is going on?

Disconnection in my mind, looking at you, so satisfying. 

You are my addiction, the daily habit I don't have. 

Eyes as memories from dreams. I feel like purple and blue, instead of the color red that is fitting you. 

The snow is fading, so is your name in my heart. I always will have a twisted mind and so do you. 

Your eyes make me wonder, was I really a fool for believing you?

I hoped you were my home, unfortunately, now I am alone. I wanted to be everything you wished for, I couldn't make it true. You never really saw me, 

Your Initials on my body, they are the reason for my nightmares. 

Heart of gold, except for the lies being told. 

One day., it will be my time. Except, you won't be mine." 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Hello lovely readers, 

It has been a while since seeing you here. The website was offline for a while because I was not in the mood of writing and keeping a weekly blog. I promise I am back for good now! How is life at your side of the world? At the moment we (The Netherlands) are on lockdown day 97. But that is not fun to talk about, THANK YOU NEXT! 

Lately I have been distracted a bit by almost everything. My focus of life is gone. Do you know that feeling that you are focussing on anything but the things that are important? My life has been like that for the past two or three months. I am living, but actually not living. It is kinda weird and creepy, I know. 

Since two weeks I picked up my English(British) classes again. I have been practising British pronunciations so badly. I must tell you, it is so hard! American pronunciations are so much easier. But we have a goal here, I do not want to sound American anymore. I do not want every person who speak English, to ask me if I am from America. No, and I have never been there. I want a cute British accent. If that is even possible? I do not know. 

Do you remember me spending a load of money for Christmas? Please go back with me to September 2020 and remember crazy and reckless me, the time I could go to a store for fun and spend way too much money on Christmas decorations, I am not even going to use. I have a freaking ferris wheel with lights in my storage. Why? I am a shopaddict I guess. Whenever I feel bad or feel like I am not in the right place, I shop and spend A LOT of money. But in terms of wanting stuff, I am saving up a load of money to buy a PC, so I can actually edit my YouTube videos and play online games without the laptop going crazy on me. 

That's right! I am a youtuber now. I already got 174 people watching my videos in a time frme of two months. I must say I am pretty proud of myself. I hope to find more ideas to make videos about. For now I am really busy with work and just surviving, I guess? Normally, there are so many crazy ideas stuck in the head of this crazy girl. But being crazy means spending money, so I should cool down on being cray-cray. 

Oh and I got a crazy idea! Dying my hair blonde with a green-ish blue color or pink at the bottom. People call it Ombre I guess? It is really expensive, but that is the goal! First, saving money for PC and then dying my hair. Must do it at the hairdressers this time. We do not want to need cutting all of my hair of AGAIN!! It is not even shoulder length after a year. The horror.  

I think I could write you all day. But, I must go for now. Speak to you soon lovely readers!   

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.