Dear lovely readers, 

This picture below is me creating christmas cards with glitters, stickers and washi tape. Before I used washi tape to sticks things, which as you can guess did not work out. I was so upset that it did not stick my papers together. 

Today the contractor was here to paint my walls. Next week he will do a next layer and hopefully in a while ... my livingroom will be white again. I could not handle the dark green wall in the living room, it will look more spacious. It was a bit awkward since I was listening to one of my favourite German rappers and the rapper was talking about cocaine and bitches. 

In a few days it will be December and in a few days it will be my birthday. I already ordered my groceries, so I do not need to do anything for my birthday, except for buying cake. They did not have cake online. :( 

Today will be a cheat-day. I will order pizza, because I can. Not that I ate much calories today, but sometimes it is okay to cheat a little. Christmas and my birthday will be a treat also, I will not hold back that much! But I hope to be back into my old shape next summer! Be the person, I was and want to be. 

My house is a glitterbomb. 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

  • Washi tape


Dear lovely readers, 

Cheers to the weekend! Week 48. Just a few weeks until this year is over. This year we have an extra week, as this year wasn't "extra" enough. Good things, you did not know, you desperately wanted to know: My hair is growing more and more since I cut it a few months back. The longest pieces of hair are almost reaching the tip of my nose. I am listening to Hero from Christopher Wilde from the movie "starstruck". (Just a side note from me)

This evening I started off with 5 episodes of "Virgin River". Netflix, you are the reason I get no sleep. Just so you know. #teamnosleep. 

Today I was driving back home from work and I wanted to drive through the polder. I wanted to drive fast, I want to master all the angles in the road. It is really dark up there, no one will ever track you down, if you do not have lights or reflection on you. So, I was in for like three minutes and I saw fog. Absolutely beautiful fog over the land, I did not know what I saw! Later on the fog got worse and I could barely see where I was driving until I was surrounded by fog. This reminded me of episode one, season one, "The Vampire Diaries" named Pilot. Elena was writing in her diary at the cemetary, fog appears, shes followed by a raven and stubles into her soon-to-be love. 

When I drove into town, I could not see anything. Which was really dangerous, but also a bit funny. And the air smelled so bad, that's what happens in a farmers village with a lot of cows! I found home. Confused, but home.

Remember, almost December. 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 


Dear lovely readers, 

Diet girl here! Hello. For now I am still going strong with the diet, but I must say it is horrible. Especially in the evenings when sitting on the couch and watching some tv (finally some rest!). Once again I have proven that boredome leads to eating, seeing people eat, leads to eating, watching tv, leads to eating, have people talk about really good food (which is no good!!) makes  me want to eat! Eat eat eat. I have been thinking about ordering food & mozzarella sticks from the fryer for days!  

But me and my bottle of water (and disguisting noodles of €0.97 cents) we are so strong, you do not even know. When I picture how it could be and how it was, I get some strenght back. The only thing that bugs me at the moment is that I get super dizzy because I eat a maximum of 1460 kcal a day, that is almost half of what I used to eat! I can cheat a little but I do not want to cheat for over 2000 kcal. 

The other day I was talking about tattoos and piercings, oh I want some more. But, also in this subject I should be strong. I would love to get a septum piercing. (Or, should I get my helix back?) I've been wanting this piercing since I was 14, but it seems so painful. And I already have a lot of tattoos, so I do not want it to be too much. I just watched how they pierce a septum, I could feel the pain already, but I kind of want to do it and go to the tattooshop. 

I quit smoking and drinking almost three months ago. I quit September 4th. How about progress, this year?! 2020, how are you!! I quit after 10 years of smoking. I hope I can be strong enough to never smoke again, especially when bars open again and I might drink alcohol (I am not sure yet, I do not know if I ever want to drink alcohol again!). Alcohol pairs with cigarettes, at least for me. 

The mozzarella sticks keep being on my mind and I do not know what to do about it. Maybe I am strong or maybe I am a weak girl since I did not order in for the past two weeks. Maybe I should drive around for hours and hours until the urge for mozzarella sticks stop. 

This was it for now, I hope you did not leave the website because I was going on about my diet and my mind. Enjoy your days, and remember, almost December. 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Dear lovely readers, 

Today is another day and it is a bad day. It is a bad day for me. I was up all night because my mind was going all over the place. Would be nice if my mind was not going all over the place. Since my last post we are one day further, one day wiser and one day older. I talked with some people about being impulsive, up to today I never found someone who is as impulsive as me. Impulsiveness create headaches and headaches go to migraine and migraine, well it just hurts. Nothing to add here. 

As you did not know this yet, I have glasses, and the side thing that's stuck on your ear? It broke! What a good explanation right? Today is really my day! (sarcasm...) You know why? I fell asleep ON my glasses last night. How can one be so stupid to fall asleep ON their glasses? Only me. Only me. So I felt / feel absolutely the worst, was late at work and I feel like I am not me. 

When I look into the mirror, it is not me. I look at a ghost. You know that feeling when you are walking and talking but just don't seem to understand anything or focus on anything? Yep, that is how life is treating me at the moment.  

On the bright side, I got some creative ideas. I would love to make personalized stickers for my laptop. And maybe I got some ideas for influencer videos haha! Maybe I should create a channel of "how to" videos but creative. Maybe I should take a rest this week and just relax. Have some masks on, not the corona-protection-masks but the relaxing-for-your-skin-masks! 

And how about this? Exactly one year ago I had a day of photographing and exploring in Hamburg! This was the worst and the best day. My train got cancelled twice, bought 3 train tickets with the wrong date and spend over €200 on train tickets. I spend so much money I lived on water and noodles for a week. 

At first I will have some quality time with my brother tonight. This will get me in a good mood instantly! He is like me, fun. 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Dear lovely readers,

It is almost December and you know what that means! Birthday & Christmas time. Cozy winter days are coming. This morning it was 1C°, which was pretty cold, especially because I go to work by Vespa. 

Last week I started dieting again, this is not the first time. I really miss my old self and how I felt. I do not feel like myself especially because I needed to cut off my hair last June. Let me tell you the story: In 2019 I decided I wanted blonde hair, I still want it tho, but for now not possible. I also decided in 2019, that it would be a really cool idea not to go to the hairdressers and do it myself with supermarket bleach. I am not even sure if it is bleach? It was hair dye to get your hair white. 1. It got patchy 2. It got orange 3. It was very unhealthy looking and stage 4? My hair was falling out and whenever I wanted to tie it in a ponytail, my hair stood straight up unless I did bent it the other way around. Some major lessons here. 

Well for now I am stuck with good old noodles, bread, water, tea and everything else that is low in calories. It is so fun how this is now my little diary. Well, a little diary other people can read. I still like it! 

I asked a ring light for my birthday (and many other things, just joking) which is in less than 2 weeks!! :O) and maybe, just maybe I will try to come up with some formats to record video's. If I master the editing, which will be the worst part, I might paste a link in here somewhere. Oh, and I need to watch my own face all day if I record it. But the best part of this all? I can spend my time with family and I am super grateful to be spending time with the people that matter.   

That is for later! 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Dear lovely readers,

Since a few days, I have been feeling like a creative mess. Or maybe I am just a mess for the moment. How could I know? I go back to old me, listening to music from before. I was listening to “Zara Larsson – She’s not me (Part 1 & 2). I still know the feeling when I listened this song for the first time and going to through a heartbreak. So, shout out to my ex. (Yes, stole this one from a Little Mix song!) 

I was looking through one of my old books, a book full of writing.  The book is a mess since I already got it 10 years or so. Let me give you some pieces of me from some years back! “Time is passing by, I told you goodbye. Never thought I would be into someone like you, the opposite of what I am attracted to.

I got haunted, not only from the inside, but this time, I knew I could not escape. I told you things, no one should even know. The whispers, the feelings; it is time to turn the page. Alone in the city, you are the reason why. All the laughter and the tears, just one sentence and my fear. As you described “nothing”, I am nothing, let us be nothing, leave nothing.

I love to play, but I hate your game. I did not trust you, that was the best thing I could do. We are leaving with empty glasses and broken hearts; this is not what I wanted. It is all that is left. “

Have a lovely day, today, readers!



Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.   

Dear lovely readers,

Someone put a pink diamond around my finger! Joking; someone is me, and it is fake. I do not think, it will happen in the next few years that someone will put a ring around my finger. So, I am thinking of becoming a “vlogger”. I do not know what you think about it, just let me know. Not a regular vlogger, I just want to film some things about life, but I feel anxious putting it on any type of platform. People will watch me and people can be tough. 

My grandma is in the hospital again. She needed surgery. I feel so bad for her! Now I especially feel bad because I did not visit her last weekend, because I was swamped with work and studying for work because it is so much information. So, I only went to my parents and did not visit her ☹☹

We did forget to celebrate my fourth month staying in The Netherlands. I have been here for four months and one week. Big deal. It is something to celebrate. The next month anniversary is when I already turned 27, I am getting old. Am I excited for my birthday? Definitely not! But I will celebrate it with my parents and my brother. I promised to cook for them, probably I will get an order from the snackbar around the corner, bought with love! 

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.  

Dear lovely readers,

Hopeless romantic girl who is afraid of Friday 13 th, here. Hi!

“I do not want ordinary love; I want the type; I will die for your love. Your love is the only love I want, it is the only love I need, the only thing that keeps me breathing. You are the reason, the reason of living, the reason of breaking, the reason of dying.”

I am not that person, but I am the person who writes about the things that scare her.

Yesterday was Friday the 13 th. I decided to go to work by train, since I did not want an accident with the scooter or anything. The last few days have been very rainy, so it was for the best.

I started the “Facebook dating” option. Kept getting advertisements about it and my friend already told me about it. I tried it for 2 days now, and I must say: it is no different from any other dating website. The only difference is that it is Facebook. So, no one will look weirdly at you when you open your Facebook and start writing. But who cares? People should mind their own business.

For now, I am waiting for my groceries since I hate going to the store. I ordered all ingredients to bake some cookies! I even got some colours for the cookies; this is going to be amazing!

For now, I am super tired because of work, but not as tired as three days ago. I send my self an email to my business account: “Beat the crap out of something.”. That describes the anger I can have in my heart. The anger and the fear of not being perfect, but hey! Who is perfect now a days?

If the world can be a mess, I can be too.

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.  

Dear lovely readers,

Gamer girl here. Hi.

I am glad that no one is reading this blog. It would be so awkward if I would run into someone I know, and they have read my blog.

“No me rindo” people who know me, know what it means. Just joking, I even forget what it is. No one knows what it means. Except for Spanish people. But I do not know many Spanish people, so I am cool.

This weekend was super busy, and I do not know why I am writing again. This weekend I went to the fish store to get some Dutch “Kibbeling” and I saw people without masks and not taking 1,5 meters distance. I could not even understand why they would do it, and why the store would not kick them out. I know one of them, the dude, he was also attending the same high school as me. Maybe I learned more about life than him. After being annoyed, I ate myself sick to the “Kibbeling”.

I figured that being not around as much, left a mark. When I see how happy my grandma is, when I am coming over or when I am talking with friends about Dutch things. Usually I do not even know what it means when they talk about things that have been in the news, tv shows or new restaurants. Obviously, I have been following it for the past three months, but before that is something else.

So, after eating myself into sickness and having a busy day, I will go into bed and watch some series even though it is only 8:30 PM.

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.  

Dear lovely readers,

Vespa girl here. Hi.

So, last week I started at my new job. I am totally exhausted, but it was nice to finally see some new face and meet new people. That does not take away the fact I was socially awkward and constantly in my phone the first day. Who am I? What is COVID-19 making of me? A socially awkward person who only stays inside. Maybe.

For now, it is Saturday morning, and I am waiting on my groceries from COOP Supermarkets. I also need to go to a photo shop, to get my photo taken for my work card.  Totally not excited for that since I look like a mess. I will also go to the stores to get the Vespa on “my name” and get some fish in the meantime.

It is going to be a busy weekend, but I am happy to get the opportunity to get challenged again. This been a while!

For now, no ghosting, since I am not talking to any boys. Let’s keep it that way!

Ps. Mosquitos, Hi how are you? Please leave me alone. Thank you very much.

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl. 

Dear lovely readers,

Today we are starting with November. In one month, I will be 27.

While watching the perfect man, and listening some German rap, I started thinking about life. My mind cannot stay in one place. Where was I thinking about? 1. Why is there black paint on my hands? 2. Why did I throw black paint my WHITE Nike’s? 3. Who am I?

Tomorrow my new job is starting. I am excited and scared. It is in an office, where I have not been since February. I got socially awkward for not meeting new people, so do I even know how to talk to new people?

Life got easier since I got a Vespa. So, life got easier, yesterday.

I still do not know why I wrote May in stead of October in the last blog post.

Maybe someday I will figure ou t, why I did not buy black shoes for 20 euros and needed to throw black paint over my white shoes. This is how 2020 feels for me; white shoes sprayed with black sticky paint.

Liebe Grüßen, your Berliner girl.